What have we heard about radiation therapy? It’s less onerous than chemotherapy? Easy to endure? It is not. One of the reasons is that it is such a mystery. It is invisible rays. Too much can cause cancer? It burns your skin. The radiation delivered to the breast tissue is considered "external" radiation, and is aimed at curing the patient.

Most patients are able to receive radiation therapy on an outpatient basis.

My oncologist and primary MD assured me that this radiation treatment would further enhance my odds of avoiding future recurrence of my breast cancer... "as the statistics reflect". I have survived the dreaded chemotherapy so I am open to this idea. After all, what have I got to lose? I have survived the dreaded chemotherapy so I am open to this idea. My WBC’s and platelets have not returned to normal yet, and I’m feeling as weary as a twenty mile hike in the desert, but I have survived so far. I’m optimistic.

I was instructed by my primary HMO physician to contact one of three hospitals which would provide me with radiation service. I chose the hospital where I had my two surgeries.

I was given a referral form; a computer print out authorizing the initial visit to the radiation oncologist. I made an appointment and spent three hours meeting with the oncologist and his nurse. I had a list of questions and concerns. They were both patient and gracious, explaining their procedures and what I could expect. I bonded with them and had confidence that their equipment was adequate and they were competent.

Two days later I was crushed when the radiation oncologist’s office clerk called me to say that they no longer had a contract with my HMO insurance. I would not be receiving my treatments from them. I was so disappointed. I called my primary physician’s office to seek assistance and vent my anger. Dr. Rose’s insurance representative sorted out the problem. A "preferred provider" contract did not exist between my insurance provider and the radiation oncologist any longer. Dr. Rose’s office intervened to establish a possible exception for me. The hospital insurance representative contacted me and established that I could pay out of my own pocket and receive radiation therapy from them. I really felt let down. This oncologist was still listed as a qualified physician for my HMO to provide radiation therapy to me. I spoke several times with my HMO about this fact, and that is why my HMO acquiesced to pay for that first visit. My receiving the referral was a "mistake" they commented. I shed many angry tears about this confusion. Dr. Rose’s insurance representative ultimately assisted me in locating another hospital for the treatment. In the long run, this was a better arrangement; valet parking and closer to my home.

Now it was winter. Christmas lights and carols reminded us of the joyous holidays. I feared the ink marks I expected to wear as my holiday decor. The ink marks that would make a patient out of me. The ink marks that would conspicuously mark me as a radiation therapy and cancer patient; the ink marks that would ruin my clothes; the ink marks that I did not want Richard to see; the ink marks that I would have to be cautious with as I bathed and swam. I consciously planned either to avoid situations where I could be discovered with those ink designs, or be wearing turtle neck shirts with long sleeves. I also bought a long sleeved night gown.

Dr. Roeton and his nurse met with me. I filled out papers and answered questions. I discovered that instead of ink marks I was to have tiny dots of tattoo ink marks to designate the boarders of radiation applications. I was actually happy about those barely visible tattoos.

There is no way to prepare a person ahead of time for the experience of receiving radiation therapy. It is an alien experience. We are lucky that these services are usually manned by the most pleasant and professional personnel. It was also fortunate for me that the hospital was ten minutes from my home.

The usual schedule was set up with Dr. Roeton; five days a week for ten weeks I was to receive radiation to my right breast area. This included a boost of radiation to the specific area where my original cancer was removed- "incase there are any stray cancer cells still there." That statement was enough to make me endure the "rays"!

One friend has told me that she could not tolerate the radiation treatments, because of the nausea and weakness they caused. I was anticipating at least that. I was also expecting blisters to my breast area and a permanent change of breast tissue texture. Dr. Roeton was pleasant, but all business.

It was an eerie and frightening thing to enter the huge, semi darkened room where the radiation therapy occurred. Laser lights were used to measure the dimensions of the breast area where I would be receiving the radiation. On my first visit I was given a tour of the whole area. "This is where you will put on a gown each time....walk to this area and wait and Jean will escort you into the treatment area...the actual time you will receive the radiation will only be about one minute each time." Well, that sounded pretty good. No more needles to be stuck in me!

On a Friday, temporary ink marks were placed. All weekend I experienced their presence. I was as self conscious, as I’d expected to be. Richard ignored the marks unless I pointed them out to him.

I thought lovingly of my sister, Nancy and my daughter, Elizabeth who have given me a fine wig. It looked better than my real hair. That was a comforting thought. I knew that occasionally a systemic effect of radiation therapy is alopecia, or hair loss. That wig was my security blanket. I did not lose my hair during chemotherapy or radiation therapy.

When I was too depressed or too tired to fix my hair, that wig was instant style. When I briefly feared coloring my hair during the months of chemotherapy, the wig was handy. Several times when I was lonesome for Elizabeth and missed my dear family, I just held it and cried. Sometimes giving in to tears helped me let go of fear and guilt and dread.

The radiation treatments started on a Monday. The tattoos were made permanent; small black marks, "beauty marks", I said. "Right", said Nurse Jean, giving me an "are you crazy" look. It makes me smile to remember.

My appointments were scheduled each morning at eight thirty. If I worked the eleven pm to seven am shift or three pm to eleven pm shifts, my appointments didn’t interfere. I had discovered during the chemotherapy treatments, that if I didn’t maintain a regular and early treatment hour, I tended to forget all about it! This habit, according to a psychiatrist I once worked with, was "deliberate forgetting"; just my psyche trying to protect my body. I would say that acquiescing to forgetting would have saved me from receiving the prescribed treatment. I was much more in fear of the risk of the cancer returning.

I held up well. The valet gave me daily encouragements and she rushed to ensure that I spent minimal time in the early winter Florida air. The young receptionist greeted me daily with a smile. After the first few days, I no longer had to ask directions through the maze of hallways to the dressing room and on to the radiation room.

Into the dimly lit radiation room I would go. I am assisted onto a cool feeling table. Every day Nurse Jean apologizes for the room or table temperature. A pillow is positioned under my head and a special arm mold, made just for my positioning, is applied. The mold is to assist with positioning my breast area so that the radiation beams steer true. The laser lights are lined up as verification that I am in the correct position. This positioning takes several minutes. Sometimes extra help is sought. The positioning is vital each time. It is comforting to be cared for by these gentle hands; these caring and knowledgeable people.

Christmas drew nearer. I asked for a few days off the treatment schedule, so that I could spend Christmas with my in-laws and sister’s family one hundred and fifty miles away. I wanted to forget cancer and celebrate Christmas. Dr. Roeton agreed.

Richard and I had a fine Christmas time! There was great food and good cheer and presents and fine music. Leah, our niece and Mother-in-Law, and sister-in-law, Jean even played carols for us all on the violin, piano, and horn, respectively. Richard got it all on video. My mouth had many blisters, my joints ached. My throat felt like sand paper. I had a mild stomach ache. All of this was side effects from the radiation. Some of the "local" radiation leaks throughout the whole body. My long bones and hips ached deeply. Acetaminophen got me through the rough times. Nurse Mary had given me soothing cream for the blisters on my right breast. Wearing a bra was out of the question. A soft tee shirt was comfortable.

I feared that bone marrow effects could be causing my symptoms, so I complained to Dr. Roeton. "Not likely", he said. I requested lab work to alleviate my concerns. He dismissed me with, "we don’t usually need that".

I went back to my primary doctor. The lab was done and my WBCs were very low. Platelets were also low. Dr. Rose said, "Give them time to return to normal on their own. The appropriate cells are present, just low counts".

Off to the health food store I went. You should have heard the advice I received from several health food store sales people. "This can cure cancer...take mega doses of that...this tea cures all kinds of chronic conditions." My goal was to seek vitamins and minerals that would help my body restore itself more quickly. Dr. Rose had cautioned against mega doses of any vitamins. Mega doses could actually be harmful. The body may stress to work overtime to get rid of damaging substances. My body was already in the midst of a battle for its life. Hopefully, the cancer cells were getting their fair share of the bombardment. Not a day went by that I did not visualize the radiation seeking out and poisoning or burning those bad cells.

I ended up with a big bag of vitamins and a few packages of soothing teas. I took multi vitamins plus iron. These contained small amounts of B6, B12, folic acid and vitamin C, so I got those as extra supplements. Oh, yes, fruit flavored calcium tabs. I was already taking vitamin E and low dose aspirin as part of a woman’s health study. I began taking the additional vitamins every other day. Taking the vitamins gave me a mental boost. I reviewed and cleared my vitamin supplements with the oncologist.

There were days that I still felt lousy, tired and listless. I was living day to day. I would lie down to watch TV and wake up hours later. I would go buy take out for supper because I was too exhausted to shop for food or cook.

I would rarely be able to complete a project, so I began breaking my efforts and projects into stages and spreading them out over time. That helped. I learned to do some things in an easier manner. For instance, I sat to peel potatoes. I wore my sun hat outside, and worked in the yard only during the cool time of day. I enjoyed mowing the grass, but Rich did it or we hired it done.